A Letter to the Church

To the Church, 

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." - 1 John 4:7-8

My experience in the church was devastating, and I can only imagine what It would be like to come in as an unbeliever-someone who may be curious about Christ and wanting and searching for answers. Instead of being shown love and being welcomed, they are ignored and rejected!

I'm not in anyway saying that everyone at that church or that every church is full of false Christians. No. We're all sinful and imperfect, we make mistakes and we don't even realize all the times that we mess up. We are all are guilty of not showing Christ's love when and how we should. We become comfortable in our lives and our "Christian" groups. We feel at home, and we don't want to leave that or change that. I get it and I understand that. I'm guilty of the same thing, and I'm sure I haven't been welcoming and loving to people when I should have been too. I've gotten caught up in my comfortable life as well; but God does not call us to be comfortable. He doesn't call us to just stay together and fellowship together. I'm not saying that those things aren't great; having fellowship together is a great and wonderful thing, but we aren't meant to just do that. We aren't meant to just hang around those who are already Christians and know Christ. Those who are healthy are not in need of a doctor, remember that?

"While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many sinners and tax collectors and sinners were eating with Him and His disciples, for there were many who followed Him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisee's saw Him eating with sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples, "Why does he eat with sinners and tax collectors?" 

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
-Mark 2:15-17   

I'm not saying that we are perfect and not in need of Christ; we all need Him and will always need Him. But Christ ate with and welcomed those that were "sinners" and the ones who would make others uncomfortable. The Pharisees were uncomfortable when they saw it, and they asked "Why? Why does he do this?" Are we really going to question God too? Are we going to ask Him why He wants us to step out of our comfort zone and welcome others? Are we living like Christ? Or like the Pharisees...?

Think about it.

How are we supposed to be living? Should we be talking to our groups and our friends and ignoring the ones who need to be shown Christs love? Are we supposed to let them walk through our doors and ignore them? Should we let them walk past without being shown His love and hearing His words?

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have love you, so you MUST love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we out to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother and sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let is not love with words or speech but with actions and truth." 1 John 16-18  

Do not just preach God's words and think you're all good. You have to show others His love, through actions and through God's truth! We can ALL talk and read the Bible aloud; that's the easy part. The hard part is going out and showing Christ's love through our actions! It isn't easy and it isn't always comfortable, but it's what we're called to do! Don't let someone who may be looking for answers walk away because you weren't comfortable enough to take action and show love.

God talks so many times about loving one another; it's all over the Bible! He says that those who don't love do not know Him! How many times must He say it before we wake up and LISTEN?

I'm not by any means saying that I'm perfect. I'm saying this to myself just as much as to any other Christian. We all need to hear this; we need to know that we aren't called to be comfortable. Do you think that being beaten and being spit on was comfortable? How about being rejected by the ones HE CREATED? Was that comfortable? Being whipped and crucified, was that comfortable? Having all OUR sins on Him and being separated from the Father.... was that comfortable?

No?

Then who do we think we are? That we're allowed to live in comfort and do nothing when the Savior and Creator of the world died and suffered so much for us. You are nothing in comparison to Christ. We all are nothing without Christ. How dare we think that we can just sit around and do nothing, and let Christ take all the pain and suffering from us when He did nothing wrong! The reason He died, was BECAUSE OF US.

Wake up, Church! Step up! Show God's love to those who desperately need it! Show them His love and bring them to Him. Don't turn them away from Him because you're too comfortable to do anything!

Open your eyes and see. Open your ears and hear. Open your heart and let Him use you for His uncomfortable, wonderful, purpose!

An Apology To The Unbelievers

Dear Unbeliever,

I want to start this blog post as a letter to you; an apology letter. I am so sorry for the times you have been ignored and have been mistreated by those who claim to follow Christ. I'm sorry for the times you've walked into a church or into a group of Christians and felt unwelcome, unloved, and attacked. I want to apologize on behalf of all those who claim to know God's love but don't show it. I am so sorry that you think that God's love is this "love" that supposed Christians are talking about. There are so many people who claim to know God's love, and claim to be living for Christ....but they aren't. They put on a good front and they say the words to sound good. Instead of leading you to the perfect wonderful God; They push you all away. And I understand why you run; I don't blame you. I want to tell you of my experience in finding my "home church" and how that inspired this apology to you.


A couple months ago I started going to a church with my sister. I had been hoping to find my "home church" and to meet other believers. I was hopeful that this was the church, and I was excited about it and ready to fellowship with other believers. As I started going, I became even more excited; I loved the sermons and I thought that it would only be a matter of time before I was noticed and accepted into this church. Week after week I came, hoping that I would soon be recognized as new and hoping that someone, anyone, would invite me to join their group. This church wasn't huge but it wasn't small either so I figured it may take a little more time for people to notice me than it would if I were in a smaller church. So I continued to go hoping more and more that I would be noticed. A month and a half passed by (So about 6 services) and still no one noticed me, acknowledged me, or talked to me. One week I decided to go way out of my comfort zone and go alone, without my sister, thinking that maybe people would be more willing to come up to me if they saw I was alone.

I was right. I was greeted by a few people for the very first time since I had been going. I was thrilled and thought that finally I would be able to get to know people and get to talk and grow in Christ with them. So, of course, the next week I figured the same would happen. I came alone again and hoped that the people who talked to me the previous week would see me and come talk to me again, and possibly introduce me to other people. Oh, how wrong I was. I ended up sitting close to them again, made eye contact and smiled. I hoped that maybe they would come talk to me or at least return the smile and acknowledge they had met me. Nope. It was returned by a glance away from me and nothing else. I felt rejected and hurt. It reminded me of all the times in my life that I had been seen as not "good enough" by people and been put aside for someone better than myself. I sat there alone, not being approached by anyone. I would even smile and try to let people know that I was friendly and ready to talk, but not one person returned the smile; not one person talked to me. Instead, they ignored me to talk to the ones they already knew. At this church, every service they have everyone say good morning to each other and greet one another. That small two minute greeting was the only time anyone said anything to me, and even then, it was forced and unloving. You'd shake their hand and they would take it away as soon as they could and quickly look to someone they knew. Completely focused on themselves and their friends, instead of the one who was alone. I felt so alone and so out of place. I drove home that day in tears and feeling rejected.

On the drive home, I started to realize things about the church that I hadn't really picked up on when I came with my sister. I remembered the times when I had smiled at people and never had a smile returned. Honestly, I couldn't remember a time anyone had returned a smile to me. I remembered walking into the church and not even being greeted by the "greeters" at the door. I remember watching them focused on a conversation they were having with their regular members, their friends-ignoring anyone new who may have walked through those doors. I remember walking past the groups of friends and "cliques" as I walked into the service room-not being acknowledged by anyone. I remembered sitting alone on a bench and being one of the few in the room and having people pass by me, look at me, and ignore me. I remember not one person coming to sit down next to me. I remember feeling so alone.

If I as a Christian can walk into a church full of supposed "followers of Christ" and feel the unfriendliness; I can only imagine what you, as an unbeliever can feel. I have met and known many more unbelievers who were friendlier and nicer than some of the ones that claim to know Christ. It makes me so sad to think of you being treated like that, and that you would be so out of place and rejected by "Christians". It's heartbreaking to me. And so sad that Christ's love is be tarnished by sinful people. I want you to know though, that that is not Christ.

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." -Matthew 7:15 

It's so easy to say the "right" things but is hard to live the right way. People can be fake and are able to make themselves seem a certain way, even if they really aren't. You may wonder then, how can you know who is really a Christian? How can you know if you want to follow this "Christ" if His followers are mean and nasty? A true follower of Christ will try to make you feel welcome and loved, and use Christ as an example on how to live their lives.

I'm not saying that as Christians we're not sinful; we are. Very much so. And we so very often fall short of God's love, and when we do, it hurts people. But please don't confuse our sinful nature, with the nature of Christ! That sin and nasty unfriendliness is us, not Christ. Christ's love is PURE and perfect, even if we aren't. His love is so pure and so perfect that He died for all who turn to Him and accept Him. Please, please don't judge Christ by the ones who pretend to know Him. Don't base your decision to turn away from Him because of us. Base it on the one who died to save you,

"Greater love has no one more than this: to lay one's life down for ones friends." -John 15:13 

 He did lay His life down for us(his friends), and there is no greater love than this.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." -1 John 4:8 

People can claim to know God all they want, but if they do not love- They do not know God. Don't let those who lie and say they know Him tarnish your view of Christ. Turn to His words to see His love, not sinful people. I wish I could completely express the love I feel from Him on the inside. I wish I was able to so purely express what it means to be loved by Christ, but because of my sinfulness, I can't completely and 100% express it. I can, though, point you to the Bible and His words of love.

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8 

Another example of His love is the fact they even while He was on the cross dying for our sins, He cried out to forgive the ones who were killing Him!

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." -Luke 23:34 

Who would do that? Who would cry out to forgive their enemies, the ones who were killing them? The fact that Christ would do that in the midst of His suffering can show us what kind of love He has for us. Unconditional love and forgiveness. Even when we've sinned. He will always forgive us and welcome us with open arms. All we have to do is repent and ask.

So, again- I am sorry that you've been treated like this. I'm sorry we've fallen short. That I've fallen short. That we haven't been able to show God's true love to you. I am so ashamed of the church, and of those who call themselves Christians and turn those like you away. But let me tell you this, even though people may turn from you and not welcome you, Christ will and He is only waiting for you to ask Him into your life and He will forgive you. He loves you unconditionally and forever.

Love,
An Imperfect Christian
With A Perfect God.

Fear and Doubt

Fear comes in many shapes and forms. It's the devil's way of pulling us away from the Lord; he uses his lies and cunning and tries to make us dwell on those things. I've struggled with fear for as long as I can remember; being little and being afraid of the "scary monsters" in movies, as all children are.  I would lay in bed and think about and dwell on those things. I'd struggle to sleep and my imagination would run wild. I remember a lot of times, even after I would sleep, I would have nightmares about it, and they would come back on different nights, constantly attacking me. Looking back now, those dreams and those things I was scared of seem so silly, which isn't surprising. I was a kid and I had "silly" fears that most kids have. I'm sure as kids we've all had those things we were afraid of, and as stupid as they seem now, they were very real to us then, and that's because the devil knows exactly what our fears are at that moment and plays with them.

 As I became a teenager, my fear became even more intense and I remember struggling with it every night. I dreaded going to bed because of what I might think about. I would be awake in my room, hearing sounds and seeing things. I would constantly worry about what my future would hold and the bad things that might happen to me or those I love. These thoughts, these fears, they consumed me and instead of turning to God for comfort and strength, I continued to dwell on them, giving more and more power to the devil and straying further and further from the Lord. When I eventually began to get closer to the Lord and began learning about Him more, it seemed that the fear would become even more intense.  I would see more things; I would have more bad dreams and I would have more worries. I thought that all I had to do was give my fears to Him once and that then I would never struggle again. But once my fears continued, and in even more strength than before, I began to doubt and thought that maybe God wasn't actually there and that He wasn't hearing my cries for help. How blind I am; how blind we all are. The closer we become to God, the angrier Satan becomes and the harder he works. He knows that he's losing us and he uses whatever means he can think of with even more strength than ever before.

"The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle voice." -1 Kings 19:11-12 

God is always there but you may not be able to hear Him if you're focusing your attention on something else. He doesn't scream at you; He's a still, small voice. You have to let go of your pride and come to Him and ask Him for the help that you so desperately need. Asking for help and admitting your weaknesses and failures isn't easy, even if it's to the one who already knows them all. It isn't a one time thing either; we have to constantly give ourselves and our fears to God. Every time we start to fear, give it to Him. It's not a one time prayer and your worries and your fears will magically go away as I once thought. God wasn't stepping back when I was afraid; He was teaching me to run to Him. Even when the devil tries as hard as he can, God wants us to turn to Him no matter what, no matter how loud the devil is screaming his lies.  And when it gets even harder but you are still able to give it to God, the closer you will be to Him, and the stronger your faith will become. That's exactly why He allows these things to happen, because they help us grow and depend on Him.

I still struggle with fear. It may not be in the same ways that I used to struggle with it, but like I said before, fear comes in many different shapes and it grows with you. My fear has turned into anxiety; I worry about the simplest and the dumbest things. I second guess everything and I get so anxious sometimes that I feel sick. Over the years it has definitely gotten better, thanks to the Lord, but I still struggle. The only way these anxieties and worries will ever go away is if I completely give them to the Lord. Every second, every minute, every day. Give it to Him, because He wants you to accept the peace that He offers.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." -John 14:27 

His peace and comfort are there for you. You just have to listen for that still, small voice. The devil screams and yells at you, attempting to ignite your fear. While the Lord whispers in your ear, telling you to let go and let Him.

"He says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth." -Psalms 46:10  

The creator of the world, the most powerful being, wants you to give your cares and fear to Him. Beloved, be still. He will take it all from you. He loves you, and He doesn't want you to be afraid, about anything. Things of this world, things of the spiritual world, your future, your past. Nothing. He knows everything and is in control of everything. All you have to do is let Him. Easier said than done, yes, I know. Trust me, I know. Years of letting my fear (the devil's lies) control my life has shown me that, but because I've gone through that and still struggle, I don't wish anyone to have to live like that. We don't have to do life alone and struggle. We don't have to fear because there is nothing that has happened or will happen that God doesn't know and isn't in control of! Everything that happens is for a reason greater than we will ever know (At least here on earth). Don't doubt that. Don't doubt His sovereignty, His love, His strength. It is eternal and it is there for you and all you have to do is ask.

"When I said, "My foot is slipping(Doubt)," your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." -Psalms 94:18-19 

 The next time you feel your fear start to consume you or you're overwhelmed by anxiety, take a minute, breathe. And pray; pray for comfort and peace. Remember that all things happen for the good of the Lord. Nothing will happen that isn't for your good and for the good of everyone else who loves the Lord. He knows what's best for everyone and even though it may seem hard and uncomfortable, it will ultimately be for your good. Just trust Him and don't fear.

"When I'm afraid, I put my trust in you." -Psalms 56:3

The Peace of Surrender

I've learned a lot this past week-about God, about giving everything to Him, about praying without ceasing.

God is great, guys. Seriously.

I'm going to start with one of the Bible verses about praying without ceasing.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ."
 -Thessalonians 5:16-18

The bible verse starts out saying "Rejoice always". Always. It doesn't mean rejoice and give praise to the Lord only when things go the way we want them to. It says always. That means even when things are going exactly the opposite of how you want them to; when things seem to be falling apart. Rejoice in the Lord because He is good always! The circumstances of this world do not change the Lord's love for you or His glory. He has a plan for us and even when it doesn't seem good to us, it is. His plan is a plan to prosper you and not to harm you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

 Always. No matter what. So give glory and rejoice in Him always! For He knows what's best. I'm not by any means saying it's easy; it's not. It's impossible for us to do it on our own. And that comes to the second point in the Bible verse. "Pray continually". This doesn't mean to say your "bedtime prayers". It means to pray without stopping- which can be confusing. I'm sure I don't fully understand what that means, but I've kind of grasped at least somewhat what that means.

 The Lord is our friend. He's the only friend you can completely and 100% trust. You can tell Him absolutely everything and He'll be there to listen and help you. It means when you're hurt, you give it to Him(Pray). When someone says something that angers you, you give it to Him(Pray). You feel alone, you give it to Him(Pray). Life seems to be falling apart, you give it to Him(Pray). Life is wonderful, you give it to Him(Pray). No matter what the circumstances or how you're feeling you give it to Him(Pray). You talk to the Lord. Because He is there, to listen and to help you; to take your burdens and your suffering.


The third point from that verse is that you give thanks to Him in all circumstances, which I kind of stated above. This one is a hard one for me because I have been fortunate to not have so many "bad" circumstances in my life and because of that I feel I'm not really the greatest person to give advice in this area. But I know it is so much harder to give thanks when things are hard. I have a hard time giving thanks in MY "hard times", which don't compare to some other people's lives- people who have so many physical hardships in this life.

No matter what circumstances you're in though, it does not  change God's love for you. This life is such a small part of eternity, and your suffering will not last forever,as terrible as it may be. And I'm not trying to make light of anyone's suffering just because I don't understand it, and maybe I don't have any "right" to say anything. I may not be able to give advice in this area or understand personally, but God understands. Read His word. Pray. He has the answers to everything. All I know is what God says, and He says to trust Him and give praise to him no matter what. With that complete surrender to Him comes a peace that is incredible. We have no reason to doubt Him or to question Him. The world doubts Him, and when we give in to that doubt we're conforming to the worlds' views. Satan's lies.

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is. His good and perfect will."
-Romans 12:2 

The rest of the world is so empty. Living without God is so empty. So many people are  just living their lives to please themselves and doing what makes them happy. It may seem like those in the world have such a full, happy life with no worries about having to please an "angry" and "demanding" God. They're free, right? Wrong. They are imprisoned by these things. It's not freedom. The things of this world will not last. Nothing in this world will last. Our things, our world, our physical bodies; they will eventually all be gone. And those who only have these things, and refuse God, what will they have? Nothing. It's so sad to me that people are going on with their lives and trying to fill that emptiness with "things". Whether those things are material-(Clothes, phones, toys, cars.) or other people, work, or money-whatever it may be. Nothing will ever fill the void they have in themselves; Nothing except for God. His grace, His forgiveness, His love, It is everlasting.

I pray for those who don't know His love; not only because those who don't accept His love and forgiveness won't have eternal life in heaven. That, yes, is obviously a huge thing, but also because they have to live in this world without His peace and His love. I cannot imagine my life without Him. I couldn't do it. Life is a struggle because of our sin already and to have to struggle alone; I can't imagine. I don't want that for anyone.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go."
-Joshua 1:9 

Be strong in the Lord. Put all of your struggles, your worries, your doubts in His hands. It is so hard but it is also so easy. (That makes complete sense, right? Haha.) We're constantly struggling with our own sin and it's constantly telling us we can do it on our own. If you just do this or that you'll succeed on your own.  Satan is constantly whispering these lies in our ears and trying keep us from turning to God. Don't listen to Him.

God is there. He is always there, and will always be there. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it. Trust me. I was recently struggling with what I thought was God ignoring me. I felt so far away from Him. I felt like I had disappointed Him and He was ignoring me. I felt so far from Him. How wrong I was. He was there. He was patiently waiting for me to just give it all to Him. I thought I had! I told myself "Sure, I've given my cares to Him." as I continued to hold onto them, and tried to hide them from Him. I struggle with anger. I hold onto it and I hold grudges for way too long. I'm ashamed of it. But even though I was ashamed of it, I still refused to give all of my anger over to Him, and kept on being angry with people. It's still a struggle, and it's probably something I'll always struggle with, but He will always be there to take it from me. I just have to completely surrender myself to Him. I don't really know how to explain it other than that; complete surrender. I had heard that a million times before but it never really clicked until recently.

I pray that God opens the eyes and the hearts of whoever is reading this, because I want you to feel the peace that comes with the surrender. It's amazing! God is amazing! I ask that my friends and family who read this will remind me of this in my weakest moments; when I give in to the anger and my sin. Please hold me to what I've said; hold me to God's words. Because I don't want to forget what it feels like to be completely at peace. I don't want to go back to how things were. No matter what struggles I go through, I know God will always be there to listen to them and will be there to take the weight off my shoulders.

 If you're struggling with things or your life seems to be falling apart, I promise it isn't because God is mad at you or because He's ignoring you. These worldly struggles are only a tiny fragment of time compared to eternity, and if this "speck" of pain in this world will lead you to Him and his eternal love and eternal life in heaven, then it is ultimately for good. God uses this worlds' struggles to lead you closer to Him, because the harder things are, the more we need Him. And if we choose to rely on him in it all ,we will be that much closer to Him! In the end, when we're in eternity, the things of this world will not matter. I pray that you realize that now and that you repent of your sins, give your cares to Him and are able to feel His love and the peace that comes with it. Because God is there for you, waiting with open arms. You just have to surrender to Him and accept Him.

Letting Go Of Expectations

Life seems to be constantly speeding past me because I'm constantly spending it thinking about the next "big" thing in my life. Constantly waiting for that "thing" to happen in my life that is going to somehow make me feel like my life is worth living. I have so many ridiculous ideas of what those things are going to be. Over and over again, I go through the cycle of thinking "Oh, this is finally going to make me content. This will make me happy." Friends, family, fun events, getting married, whatever it may be. I'm always getting to those things that I "knew" would make me happy and content and I'm incredibly disappointed when they come and go and I don't feel happy or content.

 It then of course sends me spiraling into depression, which is incredibly difficult to get myself back out of. Then, the circle begins again. I begin to put my trust, time and energy into the next thing that will definitely be it. The thing that will make me happy. Instead of turning to the Lord for help, support, comfort; I turn to things. To people.  The things that will always disappoint me eventually.

 There are so many problems with this way of thinking. Of living. I'm constantly waiting for the big thing in life, which then causes me to miss the little things in life. The important things. Because there are no "big things" in life. Life is made up of little moments. and you have to take them as they come. Take them for what they are. not what you think they should be.

Enjoy life and those little things. When you aren't enjoying those little things, you're ruining life and its' joys for yourself. Because life's little things combined are what make up a "bigger thing". You need to stop focusing on what is going to happen in your life and live in the moment. Take the time to look around you at the wonders that God has made for us. He doesn't want us to be disappointed and depressed about the life He's created for us. But He also doesn't want us to put our trust and happiness into other people or other things. Things are never going to happen exactly how we want them to, and living our life believing our "fantasy future" is actually going to be reality some day will ultimately leave us disappointed. Every. Single. Time. This is your life. How it is.

If you're depressed that this is it, you need to realize that it doesn't have to be it. Because you can constantly give more and more of yourself to the Lord. It might not necessarily change your life, being the circumstances around you, but it will change your outlook on life. And that will in turn make you happier. It's not easy and might not always make you "happy" in the way that the world views happiness but it will make you happy in the way that you know you are serving the most incredible One you could ever serve.

 Trusting Him won't be easy. God himself told us that many times, following Him in this world is going to be the hardest most complicated and wonderful thing we could ever do! We just need to trust in Him, and life will be so much more wonderful and so much happier!


Having a boyfriend, getting married, having a family, having friends-these are all wonderful things that God has created for our enjoyment. And they may make you "happy" for a time, but trials will happen and they won't seem like the perfect wonderful thing you always imagined they would be. Things always seem more wonderful before you have it. Once you realize the reality that things and people will disappoint you some time or another, you'll be left feeling empty and confused. And that is because your whole life was spent hoping and waiting for these big things in life to happen and then you'll realize that it could never, and will never exceed your expectations. We all have wonderful imaginations and a wonderful way of making things seem like what you don't have will always be better than what you have now. We all struggle with being content with what God has given us and ultimately that's what it comes down to; not being content, and envying what others have. Because from far away everyone's life looks better than what yours is. We don't see the close up of other peoples' lives. They have struggles and hardships just like you. Their lives, relationships, and the things they have are not perfect either! No one is perfect. No relationship, besides the one you have with the Lord will ever be perfect.

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."   

-Proverbs 14:30  

 

I've gotten to the point where I hardly ever look forward to anything because I know I'll always be disappointed. God doesn't want us to live our lives like that either. He wants us to be able to enjoy life and have fun. But it's when those things become a bigger concern in our lives that it becomes a problem. Or, in my case, the thought or the idea of those things becomes almost like an idol to me. Not almost, it IS an idol to me. I idolize my idea of what my future will be like. I spend more of my time consumed with those thoughts than I ever do consumed with thoughts of the Lord. And I'm completely ashamed of that. I've been trying and struggling, and praying for the Lord to help me with that. And I think that even as slow as the process is, I think that I'm slowly getting better.

I have an incredibly amazing life. Because I am loved by an incredibly amazing God. No matter what happens in our lives, it is amazing. Because we are alive and breathing. Because we are loved by the highest and most wonderful Lord. So instead of waiting for life's big "thing". Let following God be your LIFE! 

Confidence in Him

                                   


        When I think back to when I was younger there's something that I wish I could change right now. Something I regret so much. It would be to not care: to not care what others thought of me. I would freely talk about God and share His love with absolutely no fear or shame. I would be exactly who He made me to be: Not worrying about saying something that might offend someone; or worrying that the way I dress might seem weird. I wouldn't struggle to prove that I'm not just "a weird Christian homeschooler". I wouldn't live my life and spend all my time trying to prove how I really am "normal"; that just because I'm a Christian and/or a homeschooler it doesn't make me different.
 It doesn't make me weird!

      So many of my early teen years were focused on what my friends thought of me, or what strangers thought of me. It became such a huge worry that it would affect my whole life. Going out places would become a struggle because I would look around at everyone and wonder what they were thinking of me. Were they looking at me and thinking I dressed weird? Talked weird? Acted weird? There's so much stigma against homeschooling and homeschoolers that I always tried to prove that the things people said about it  didn't apply to me. That I didn't act different, I didn't dress different; I was the same. That was my focus in life. Just to prove those things wrong.

      If I could go back, I would tell myself: embrace that weirdness. Let them think what they want to think about you. Let them give you weird looks because of your clothes or because you're out hanging out with your "weirdly big" family. Because the honest truth is that if you are following God you can't be "normal". It's completely impossible. The world's normal is not God's normal and it never will be. And the more you pursue the worlds' views, the further you'll fall from Him. Our time on this earth is such an incredibly short time compared to eternity; and in the end, do you want to look back and see that all your time spent here was spent trying to prove to people how normal you were? When you could have used that time to show them how different you were because of God? How much better life is because of Him?!

      No matter how crazy or weird you look while doing it; no matter how many times people judge you for it or tell you how stupid you are, live your life for the Lord. Don't live it for the world. Today could be your last day here; do you really want to waste it by worrying what others are thinking of you? Go out, tell people about God. Don't let their eye rolls stop you. What they say or think doesn't matter. Because that moment is such a short moment compared to eternity. So what if they are irritated with you, think you're stupid. In the end you'll look back at that moment and wonder why didn't you say something, or do something. Because when you're able to see the view from  eternity, you'll finally realize how small the moment is and how much that time of feeling persecuted means absolutely nothing in comparison to eternity.

"It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe." -Proverbs 29:25 

 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9

       I'm not saying I don't still worry about what others think about me. I do. A lot actually. And it affects my whole life. It affects my happiness and it affects my relationship with the Lord. Because all that time I could be thinking about Him and improving my relationship with Him, I'm sitting there worrying about what someone else is thinking about me. Everyone could be making fun of you, laughing at you. But if you just give it to the Lord, He will help you. I'm not in any way saying it's easy. For us sinful humans, it's an unending struggle to stay focused on Him;to not let your worry and those insecurities control life. But all it takes is one second to just give your worries and insecurities to the Lord and in that moment you will find peace, and you'll find confidence in Him.

     Ask yourself this, which is more important to you? The world's opinion? The world that glorifies every kind of sin you can think of; where right is wrong and wrong is right? The world that hates the very one who created it? The one who glorifies the murder of innocent babies, sexual immorality, homosexuality, lying, cheating and so many other sinful things? Is that the opinion that matters?
Or the opinion of the most high God? The one who created this world, and everything beautiful and wonderful. Who create life, the sunrise and sunset, every planet and star in the sky. The one who created this beautiful world and decided that it was not complete without you.

     It makes me so sad to look back on all the time I have spent on this earth worrying about what people thought of me; of being so insecure. All of that precious time that has been wasted that I will never be able to get back.  Even though that time is wasted, I have the rest of my time on earth to try and make up that wasted time. I have the choice to either continue letting what others think control my life or to give the rest of my time here to the Lord. ("All we have to decide  is what to do with the time that is given to us."-J.R.R. Tolkien anyone?)

      Every time I start to wonder what others are thinking, I just need to stop and pray. Pray for that strength and confidence. Ask Him to help me truly understand whose opinion really matters. Because it is so easy to say that others opinions don't matter, but it's a whole other thing to actually really truly believe it. No matter how many times we tell ourselves that it doesn't matter we will always fall back to our old ways. Unless we completely and totally give ourselves to Him.

     Don't spend your whole life trying to prove to people how normal you are. Because if you're truly following the Lord and trying to please Him, being normal isn't even an option! Don't hide away and never say anything because you're always second guessing yourself. Just let God speak through you. Open yourself up to him and let Him lead you, because if you do you'll never have to worry again.

Happiness?

 I recently read through my diary from my early teen years. I never realized what a terrifying place a diary could be. Hah. Sadly though, it was mostly filled with rants about how terrible life was and how nothing was going the way I wanted or thought it should go. How I was always sad, that I didn't have any friends, nobody understood me. This went on for years. I felt depressed and constantly upset about how my life wasn't turning out how I thought it would. At that time I was living in a fantasy. I thought life was like the stories I read and the movies I watched. That as you got older, life would become perfect, easy and I'd always be happy. How wrong I was. Life isn't perfect. People aren't perfect. Everyone and everything is perfectly flawed. We seem to think that to be happy, life has to be exactly how we want it to be. Life has to go exactly how we think it should. We should get what we want and be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Well, guess what. Happiness is not getting everything you want. Happiness is not having a perfect life, perfect friends, family, job. Happiness is being content with where the Lord has you and what the Lord has given you. You might not have as many friends as you want.  You may hate your job. Your family may not be as perfect as you want it to be. Life may not being going the way you think it should go. But your life is not in your hands. Your life is not yours. It's God's.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions,in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

~ Corinthians 12:10 ~

Life may seem terrible right now. You may feel like life has been terrible for a long time. But everything that is happening or has happened is God's plan. And even though it may seem like God hates you and that he's trying to punish you by putting hardship in your life; he isn't. Trials are put in our lives to help us to rely on Him; to show us that we are not even capable of handling any struggles on our own. That only He can. He can see everything that has happened, is happening, and what will happen. He knows how the trials in your life will help you in the future. What things you need to learn and go through to become the person He wants you to be. As terrible as those things might seem right now, those trials are what make you stronger. I see that in my own life. Things that seemed devastating to me in the past, the things that made me question what the point of life even was-If those things hadn't happened, I wouldn't be where I am today. To be able to look back and see some of those things, and look at how things ended up turning out in my life now; It's incredible. To see that God truly does know what is best for me. What things and/or people in my life that were hurting me even though I didn't see it, God did. He removed those things from my life. It was hard and it hurt when it was happening. But as hard as it was then, and as much as I didn't understand why it was happening, I am so thankful they did. Because I honestly wouldn't be the person I am today if they didn't. I wouldn't have been able to see how much He does love and care for me. 

I haven't figured it all out yet. There are times when I find myself going down that path again. Upset about how things aren't going how I think they should. Or even looking back to how "perfect" life used to be when I was a kid. But I'm learning to give it to the Lord. Beginning to truly believe and know that He knows what's best for me and His timing is the perfect timing. But gosh, never did I realize how many times you would have to constantly give your worries over to the Lord. We are so flawed and so simple minded compared to Him. It is so incredibly difficult for us to just submit ourselves and our worries to Him. We don't even realize that most of the time our refusal to give our burdens to the Him is what's hurting us the most. He is more powerful and more wonderful than our small minds can even comprehend. He is capable of handling any and every trouble we have had or ever will have, and He is willing to take that burden from us, no questions asked. 

Happiness is letting go of all your burdens and giving them all to the Lord. Its being content with the life and the things He's given you. He loves us more than we will ever know, and He only wants what's best for us. Even though things happen that don't seem like they could possibly be for the best, they are. Just trust Him and you'll learn to be content. Give it all to him and He will help you.