When I think back to when I was younger there's something that I wish I could change right now. Something I regret so much. It would be to not care: to not care what others thought of me. I would freely talk about God and share His love with absolutely no fear or shame. I would be exactly who He made me to be: Not worrying about saying something that might offend someone; or worrying that the way I dress might seem weird. I wouldn't struggle to prove that I'm not just "a weird Christian homeschooler". I wouldn't live my life and spend all my time trying to prove how I really am "normal"; that just because I'm a Christian and/or a homeschooler it doesn't make me different.
It doesn't make me weird!
So many of my early teen years were focused on what my friends thought of me, or what strangers thought of me. It became such a huge worry that it would affect my whole life. Going out places would become a struggle because I would look around at everyone and wonder what they were thinking of me. Were they looking at me and thinking I dressed weird? Talked weird? Acted weird? There's so much stigma against homeschooling and homeschoolers that I always tried to prove that the things people said about it didn't apply to me. That I didn't act different, I didn't dress different; I was the same. That was my focus in life. Just to prove those things wrong.
If I could go back, I would tell myself: embrace that weirdness. Let them think what they want to think about you. Let them give you weird looks because of your clothes or because you're out hanging out with your "weirdly big" family. Because the honest truth is that if you are following God you can't be "normal". It's completely impossible. The world's normal is not God's normal and it never will be. And the more you pursue the worlds' views, the further you'll fall from Him. Our time on this earth is such an incredibly short time compared to eternity; and in the end, do you want to look back and see that all your time spent here was spent trying to prove to people how normal you were? When you could have used that time to show them how different you were because of God? How much better life is because of Him?!
No matter how crazy or weird you look while doing it; no matter how many times people judge you for it or tell you how stupid you are, live your life for the Lord. Don't live it for the world. Today could be your last day here; do you really want to waste it by worrying what others are thinking of you? Go out, tell people about God. Don't let their eye rolls stop you. What they say or think doesn't matter. Because that moment is such a short moment compared to eternity. So what if they are irritated with you, think you're stupid. In the end you'll look back at that moment and wonder why didn't you say something, or do something. Because when you're able to see the view from eternity, you'll finally realize how small the moment is and how much that time of feeling persecuted means absolutely nothing in comparison to eternity.
"It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe." -Proverbs 29:25
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9
I'm not saying I don't still worry about what others think about me. I do. A lot actually. And it affects my whole life. It affects my happiness and it affects my relationship with the Lord. Because all that time I could be thinking about Him and improving my relationship with Him, I'm sitting there worrying about what someone else is thinking about me. Everyone could be making fun of you, laughing at you. But if you just give it to the Lord, He will help you. I'm not in any way saying it's easy. For us sinful humans, it's an unending struggle to stay focused on Him;to not let your worry and those insecurities control life. But all it takes is one second to just give your worries and insecurities to the Lord and in that moment you will find peace, and you'll find confidence in Him.
Ask yourself this, which is more important to you? The world's opinion? The world that glorifies every kind of sin you can think of; where right is wrong and wrong is right? The world that hates the very one who created it? The one who glorifies the murder of innocent babies, sexual immorality, homosexuality, lying, cheating and so many other sinful things? Is that the opinion that matters?
Or the opinion of the most high God? The one who created this world, and everything beautiful and wonderful. Who create life, the sunrise and sunset, every planet and star in the sky. The one who created this beautiful world and decided that it was not complete without you.
It makes me so sad to look back on all the time I have spent on this earth worrying about what people thought of me; of being so insecure. All of that precious time that has been wasted that I will never be able to get back. Even though that time is wasted, I have the rest of my time on earth to try and make up that wasted time. I have the choice to either continue letting what others think control my life or to give the rest of my time here to the Lord. ("All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."-J.R.R. Tolkien anyone?)
Every time I start to wonder what others are thinking, I just need to stop and pray. Pray for that strength and confidence. Ask Him to help me truly understand whose opinion really matters. Because it is so easy to say that others opinions don't matter, but it's a whole other thing to actually really truly believe it. No matter how many times we tell ourselves that it doesn't matter we will always fall back to our old ways. Unless we completely and totally give ourselves to Him.
Don't spend your whole life trying to prove to people how normal you are. Because if you're truly following the Lord and trying to please Him, being normal isn't even an option! Don't hide away and never say anything because you're always second guessing yourself. Just let God speak through you. Open yourself up to him and let Him lead you, because if you do you'll never have to worry again.
Your post is so right on Sammi. It is so good that you are figuring out at this young age that other peoples opinion of you is none of your business, it is their business and they are responsible for themselves just like you are responsible for yourself. I am proud of you that you are already figuring this out. It took me until after I was 30 years old to figure that stuff out. Not a single one of us is like anyone else. We are each out unique, individual selves and we are Perfect just as God created us. Each and every one of us is perfect as God created us and that goes for what others call the so called sinner, the homosexual, the murderer, the liar, the cheater, etc. Each and everyone of us have a path to follow and it is no ones business how we follow that path but us. Just like we need not be concerned how another is honoring or what we would call dishonoring God, we only need be concerned on what we do. Are we doing what we feel to do in our journey of life? Are we doing what brings God joy because if we are we will be joyful. Just as when we are joyful, God is joyful. Even when we are not joyful, it is still no ones business but our own. We are not to judge others and we need not be concerned if they judge us. So proud of the creation that you are and love you unconditionally.
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