I've been thinking a lot lately about my future- about what I want to do once I graduate; when I'm going to graduate; if I want to get married someday; if I want to adopt; and just growing up. I was reading a couple of blogs today about the qualities they wanted in a future spouse. So, because I have been thinking about that exact thing a lot lately, I decided to do the same thing. I sat down and wrote down some qualities I hoped for in a future spouse. But, after I had written some down, I started to think about my own qualities and if the things I wish for in a spouse applied to myself. Some did, some didn't. I decided to stop writing down qualities for a future spouse and started to think about it. If I met someone that had some of the personality traits that I did, would I want to marry them? My answer was no. I mean, obviously, I know that no one is perfect. You're not going to find someone who is perfect. It's not possible. But why should I list all of these qualities I wish for in a future spouse when I'm not happy with the qualities that I have? It doesn't seem fair to expect all these things out of someone else when you yourself don't have those qualities. So, instead of adding more things to that list, I decided to make a different list-a list of things I wished to improve in myself. Some were qualities, some were skills I wish to improve. For those who would like to see it, here it is:
1. My relationship with God and my family. Two of the most important relationships. Stop putting off spending time with God or your family. Just do it.
2. Patience. Don't yell. Just calm down.
3. Listen. Stop talking about yourself and your problems and listen and be interested in the things OTHERS say to you.
4. Work hard. Don't look at others being lazy as an excuse to be lazy yourself. Get off the couch and work on something. Even if your tired. It's always good to work hard.
5. Work on improving your drawing. Stop giving up just because other people may be better than you are. Practice and work hard at it, and become that good.
6. Stop giving up (Kind of goes along with #5). Things aren't going to just happen right away. Work hard at something and finish it. Just don't give up.
7. Stop gossiping. So that customer may have been really mean; maybe someone was really getting on your nerves. You don't need to tell anyone. Just let it go and move on.
8. Stop worrying about how you look. Your outward appearance isn't what matters; it's what's inside that matters.
9. Stop being so negative. Negativity never helped anyone. Instead of focusing on the bad, focus on the good.
10. Stop looking back and thinking about how much better life used to be. Think about how good life is now.
11. Don't focus on how many friend you don't have. Think about how many great friends you do have.
12. Serve. Don't think about all the things people can do for you. Think about what you can do for others. Even if they don't recognize or see what you do for them. Do it anyway. Serve others, and do it without expecting anything in return.
People seem to always want to improve and change others but don't stop to think about what they need to change in themselves. Now, I'm not saying that I'm not hoping for certain things in a future spouse, or that it's a bad thing to list qualities you would like in a spouse. Some things are required before I marry someone. Loving God and wanting to know Him better is for sure a requirement and top on the list, and obviously there are other qualities I wish for as well. But, to require certain things in a spouse without looking at yourself and changing things in your own life doesn't seem entirely fair. I'm sure my future spouse has requirements/wishes as well, so instead of focusing on the qualities you want him/her to have, instead think about the qualities they(and more importantly God) would wish for you to work on. I don't want to sit here and say: "you don't have the qualities I want. Work on that."and not work on myself.
That's not really what this post is about though. Even if you're not planning on ever getting married, or even if you aren't going to for a long time, we all look at the things others need to improve and don't even stop to look at our own faults. I know making a list of things I wish to change is easier said than done. In fact its impossible, without the Lord. Changing yourself to be more Christ-like is incredibly hard in a world where doing whatever you want is glorified. This past year I've been around more people "of the world" than I ever have. And I can see that the way I think and the way I act has changed and is becoming more worldly. I'm not proud of that, and I want to change it. I find myself questioning the things that I say because it might offend the friends that I have that aren't Christians. Or that they'll stop talking to me or make fun of me because of it. And I hate that. I really, really do. Honestly, it shouldn't matter what they think, or what anyone thinks. All that matters is what God thinks. I want to be strong in my faith in God. I want people to see Him in me. I don't want them to just look at me as just another person of the world. It's so hard in a world where being good and loving God is laughed at and is looked down upon. Where doing drugs, getting drunk, and sleeping around is all normal and glorified. And it is so easy to just do what everyone else does and agree with what everyone else says because no one wants to be laughed at or mocked. But being like the world is exactly what God warns us not to do(Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15) We're suppose to be different. The light in the darkness. No one is going to look at you and want what you have if you're exactly like everyone else.
Be set apart from everyone else. Change yourself before you change others. And love the Lord with all your heart. Even though it's a daily struggle and incredibly hard we need to make sure that we continue loving Him no matter what. No matter what the rest of the world tells us. No matter what fears might try to turn us away. Don't ever lose faith in Him.
That's not really what this post is about though. Even if you're not planning on ever getting married, or even if you aren't going to for a long time, we all look at the things others need to improve and don't even stop to look at our own faults. I know making a list of things I wish to change is easier said than done. In fact its impossible, without the Lord. Changing yourself to be more Christ-like is incredibly hard in a world where doing whatever you want is glorified. This past year I've been around more people "of the world" than I ever have. And I can see that the way I think and the way I act has changed and is becoming more worldly. I'm not proud of that, and I want to change it. I find myself questioning the things that I say because it might offend the friends that I have that aren't Christians. Or that they'll stop talking to me or make fun of me because of it. And I hate that. I really, really do. Honestly, it shouldn't matter what they think, or what anyone thinks. All that matters is what God thinks. I want to be strong in my faith in God. I want people to see Him in me. I don't want them to just look at me as just another person of the world. It's so hard in a world where being good and loving God is laughed at and is looked down upon. Where doing drugs, getting drunk, and sleeping around is all normal and glorified. And it is so easy to just do what everyone else does and agree with what everyone else says because no one wants to be laughed at or mocked. But being like the world is exactly what God warns us not to do(Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15) We're suppose to be different. The light in the darkness. No one is going to look at you and want what you have if you're exactly like everyone else.
Be set apart from everyone else. Change yourself before you change others. And love the Lord with all your heart. Even though it's a daily struggle and incredibly hard we need to make sure that we continue loving Him no matter what. No matter what the rest of the world tells us. No matter what fears might try to turn us away. Don't ever lose faith in Him.
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