Spiritual Warfare

I don't know if I'm the only one or if there are others who feel the same way, but I feel a huge change in the world. Recently I've seen marriages start to crumble, people feeling broken and lost, and friendships begin falling apart. There are relationships that people wouldn't really think would end that are really starting to. There are wars going on- both physical and spiritual- although I think a lot can be pointed to the spiritual war. There were really strong relationships; the ones like I said a minute ago that were really strong, the kind that would help pick you up and encourage you, the ones that would pray with you and always be there for you. But the devil is turning us all on each other; he's trying to break down the relationships, to break down the believers. Because he knows. He knows that people are stronger in a group and if he breaks the group apart he can go after us individually. He's smart. It's terrible, but true. He works quietly and slowly. Carefully working to tear families and friends apart. Even the closest of friends. Even the ones that you said would always be there.

 I've been struggling a lot lately. With many different things, depression, lack of self confidence, and some other stuff. And it's hard, really really hard to give your troubles to the Lord. As much as I hate to admit it, you get to a certain point in your grief that you just give up, and in a way, you want to be depressed. So you have something to complain about. You can say 'Lord, why are letting me suffer like this?', but really you're making yourself suffer. I should be giving my worries and struggles to Him, and not dwell on them and continue to suffer.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

                     -1 Peter 5:7 

I feel that the closer I get to the Lord, the more spiritual attacks I get from the devil. Which is true.The way I handle it, the thing that I do when it happens, is not what I should do. Because I want so desperately for the attacks to leave, I turn from God. I go back to where I was before. And it starts all over again. I get to a certain point where I think that I've got it under control. I feel close to the Lord. Then the devil comes and tries pulling me down again. And it works. I let the enemy win. Because I am not strong enough. I'm weak, and stupid. I wish I could confidently write this, and say: "I've got this figured out, now let me tell you how I did it.". But I can't. Because I'm still struggling. I know what I need to do, but I just don't have enough strength to do it on my own to do it. I need to give all my worries, my fears, and pain to the Lord. Because He will take them. Because HE is strong enough. Why? Why can't I do it? Why is it so hard? Because of my pride? Because I want to be able to do it myself. Say "I did this all on my own. I don't need anyone to help me." I used to think it was so easy to be a Christian. It was all happiness. It was easy, didn't cost anything. You could stay the way you are, stupid, immature, and a sinner. And still have the great things that come when you're a Christian. To have a God that loves you no matter what you do, to have joy and happiness, and have all good the good things, but you wouldn't have to do anything for it. Stay the same. Be the sinner that I am. Prideful, and stupid. I also thought that the feeling of absolute awe and happiness you have when you listen to a Christian song, read a book, watch a movie, or read a Bible verse, that if you don't feel that complete awe all the time that you're not a Christian. That God just leaves you. No. That's so stupid. I actually read a blog post with a man writing about how he didn't love his wife when he first met her, on their second date or even when they first got married. Because that lovey-dovey feel you have at first isn't real love. The love you have when you go through something together, when you do things for each other, that's love. It's not a feeling, it's an action. I'm not married, but you know what? I can see how that can relate to your relationship with God. When you listen to a song, or read the Bible you have this absolute awe and 'love' for God, but it doesn't last. The love you have for Him when you do things the thing He asks of you, or when you go through something terrible, but you come out smiling because you know He's there for you--That's real love for God. I'm still a child in my faith. I'm still learning and struggling. Trying to figure out what God wants for my life. Trying desperately to just let go, and give it to God. To ignore the devil when he tells me it's not worth it. Because HE is worth it. God died for me. He took my sins upon Himself. I owe Him my life, and I need to start realizing that. Realizing that God put me here for a reason. To do His will. It's not my life it's His.

And we need to fight back when the devil tries to attack us. He's smart. And he's working hard. He knows his time is coming to an end. So he's trying to bring down as many as he can. Families, friends. The church of believers. He's trying to bring down as many as he can. To pull them to his side. The time is coming soon, people. So make sure you're on the right side. The side that has already won. The one with the God who can do all things.